Limited Computer Time

Ok, I had to at least post this. See you all soon!

Republican National Convention Schedule

6:00 PM - Opening Prayer, led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM - Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM - Seminar #1 “Getting your kid a military deferment”
7:30 PM - First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM - Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM - EPA Address #1: “Mercury, it’s what’s for dinner”
8:00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: “The Homos are after your children”
8:30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only!)
8:50 PM - Seminar #2 “Corporations: The government of the future”
9:00 PM - Condi Rice sings “Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man”
9:05 PM - Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM - EPA Address #2 “Trees: The real cause of forest fires”
9:30 PM - Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM - Second prayer - Led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM - Lecture by Carl Rove: “Doublespeak made easy”
10:30 PM - Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM - Bush demonstration of trademark “deer in headlights” stare.
10:40 PM - John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM - Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans
10:46 PM - Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM - Seminar #3 “Education: a drain on our nation’s economy”
11:10 PM - Hilary Clinton Piñata
11:20 PM - 2nd Lecture by John Ashcroft: “Evolutionists: The dangerous new cult”
11:30 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
11:35 PM - Blame Clinton
11:40 PM - Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM - Closing Prayer - Led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord.