Lost in Athens

My heart belongs to America, but Athens--oh beautiful Athens. It is amazing to see the different cultures and even notice the similarities. I am stoked about China as well.

I am back to my blogging. Good to see you all again.

Another one. . .

OUTSOURCING JOBS REACHES NEW HEIGHTS
by Staff Reporter Melynda Jill

Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June 30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.

“The cost savings will be quite significant” says Congressman Adam Smith (D- Wash) who, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting Office) has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. “We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage”, Congressman Smith said.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.

Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will be open.

“I am excited to serve in this position,” Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. “Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday.”

Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The Spokesperson further noted that additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools have been successfully used by Mr. Bush and will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself.

Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position as job prospects in the Sports Franchise Ownership arena remain limited. A recently released report from the Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person may be in the Army National Guard. There he would be called up with his unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited briefly before. “I’ve been there, I know all about Iraq and the conditions there,” stated Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in his first visit at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop.

Meanwhile in Baghdad and Falluja, Iraq, sources report that local Iraqis say Mr. Bush would receive an especially warm reception from them. Such sources stated the Iraqis only request would be to be informed of which convoy he would be riding in order to give him the welcome he deserves.

Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.

Limited Computer Time

Ok, I had to at least post this. See you all soon!

Republican National Convention Schedule

6:00 PM - Opening Prayer, led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM - Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM - Seminar #1 “Getting your kid a military deferment”
7:30 PM - First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM - Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM - EPA Address #1: “Mercury, it’s what’s for dinner”
8:00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: “The Homos are after your children”
8:30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only!)
8:50 PM - Seminar #2 “Corporations: The government of the future”
9:00 PM - Condi Rice sings “Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man”
9:05 PM - Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM - EPA Address #2 “Trees: The real cause of forest fires”
9:30 PM - Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM - Second prayer - Led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM - Lecture by Carl Rove: “Doublespeak made easy”
10:30 PM - Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM - Bush demonstration of trademark “deer in headlights” stare.
10:40 PM - John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM - Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans
10:46 PM - Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM - Seminar #3 “Education: a drain on our nation’s economy”
11:10 PM - Hilary Clinton Piñata
11:20 PM - 2nd Lecture by John Ashcroft: “Evolutionists: The dangerous new cult”
11:30 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
11:35 PM - Blame Clinton
11:40 PM - Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM - Closing Prayer - Led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord.

Olympics

I will continue to blog once I return from my Olympic break.

I, Robot

This movie takes place in Chicago in 2034--I kept finding myself doubting that life would be like in the movie in just 30 years. Aside from that, the film was pretty well paced with action and keeping the story moving forward. I found the social commentary interesting--in that humans are basically destroying themselves and hurting others and not taking care of mother earth.

The acting was marginal at best. No oscars here! Overall, a good film that could have been better, but satisfying none the less for what it was.

3 outa 5 fangs!

Difficulites?

Is anyone having trouble seeing the comments section on this blog? I have been having trouble with seeing all the posted comments--they are there, but just invisible. I just wanted to see if anyone else was getting this on their computers.

A Message from the President

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we," Bush said on Thursday.

Someone Help!

5 Minutes

$10 for 5 minutes!

I got a ticket today for $10.00 for parking on the street when the street cleaners were going to come by. However, the cop wrote my ticket at 8:35 a.m. which is hilarious because that is 5 minutes after the posted time. I got screwed over 5 minutes! What gets really crazy is that the street sweepers are never this early and there was not one present today either. So, the city is trying to meet some quota so now it is time to ticket--STARTING AT 8:30 promptly--no grace period at all--unlike everything else!!!

Rock the vote

I hope Missourians are planning to vote today in the primary elections! More importantly, I hope the right people are voting for the right candidates and right 'ye' or 'ne' to amendments right now!

Six Flags

I am heading to Six Flags for some sun! Today should be a great day, but I hate going on the weekend because it will most likely be crowded. I am going to relax and get out of the city.

Space Cowboys

I watched the movie Space Cowboys and now I realize why I hadn't seen it sooner. Overall, pretty boring to a werewolf.

1 out of 5 Fangs! (Ouch!)